2014 probowlEverybody seems to agree, the Pro Bowl blows. How bad is it? Bad enough that Rodger Goodell saw fit to change format from the age-old NFC vs AFC match up to allowing two hall of fame players pick teams in a backyard style brawl. It’s like Goodell, a.k.a the Ginger Hammer, has taken his cue from UFC’s reality show Ultimate Fighter, and try to bolster ratings with two aging league stars. Come on GH, did it work?

No, in short, no it did not. Jerry Rice and Deon Sanders could not save the Pro Bowl from the lowest ratings since 2009. The 2009 Pro Bowl was significant because it was the last time the game was held the week after the Super Bowl. In fact, Larry Fitzgerald had just finished playing in the super bowl the week before becoming the Pro Bowl MVP. It seems that the novelty from moving the game before the Super Bowl has worn off. Nothing the league does can make the Pro Bowl a worthwhile event.

In the past, the Ginger Hammer has stated he would disband the Pro Bowl if they game doesn’t meet a certain standard of quality play. Obviously, the Pro Bowl hasn’t meet any sort of reasonable quality for many years, so it’s time to pull the plug. So instead of the Pro Bowl, I have a few suggestions on how to feature the best players of the year. Instead of making a mockery of football with a half speed, half-ass game, why not take cues from other sports and  run a skills competition on top a game full of all stars?

Competition Events

  • QB Skeet Shooting: throwing a ball at a receiver is easy, they respond to how the ball flies and can correct mistakes. Throwing at a static target is too unrealistic. I want to see a quarterback who can track a small clay pigeon and knock it out of the sky.
  • Linemen Tug-of-War: I’m tired of watching linemen push each other around, I wanna see these big guys try something new. Line’m all up on a rope with a mud pit between and unleash hell.
  • QB Dodge ball: We all know these guys  can throw, but can they dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge? How great would it be to see these guys get blindsided while winding up to crush someone else? This event is required for all quarterbacks to participate, not just the pro bowlers.
  • The Joust: I’m talking American Gladiators style. Two competitors, two platforms, two pugil sticks, and a pool. I’d like to see linebackers, full backs, tight ends and safeties go at it, two men enter, one man leaves…
  • Powerball: Speaking of American Gladiators, can we get a game of powerball too? It’s pretty much exactly like football already, so the games should be even more entertaining?
  • Kicking Competition: This one will be open for everyone but kicking isn’t limited to aiming between the uprights. I’d like to see kicks into trash cans, hitting moving targets and just for fun, kicking from a boat (we’ll never forget you, Kickalicious)
  • 5×5 Flag Football Tournament: The biggest problem with the Pro Bowl is premise. Why would athletes put themselves on the line for a marginal pay check? They won’t, which is why the game will never be good. I propose we remove the tackling and make it a flag football game. Nobody wants to make contact anyways, this just makes it official. Just give each quarterback a team and let them do their thing. No coaches, no coordinators, just a bunch of players on the field.